1    What a plague means my niece, to take the death of
2    her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.

3    By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o'
4    nights: your cousin, my lady, takes great
5    exceptions to your ill hours.

6    Why, let her except, before excepted.

7    Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest
8    limits of order.

9    Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am:
10   these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so be
11   these boots too: an they be not, let them hang
12   themselves in their own straps.

13   That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard
14   my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish
15   knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.

16   Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

17   Ay, he.

18   He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.

19   What's that to the purpose?

20   Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.

21   Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats:
22   he's a very fool and a prodigal.

23   Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' the
24   viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages
25   word for word without book, and hath all the good
26   gifts of nature.

27   He hath indeed, almost natural: for besides that
28   he's a fool, he's a great quarreller: and but that
29   he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he
30   hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent
31   he would quickly have the gift of a grave.

32   By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors
33   that say so of him. Who are they?

34   They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.

35   With drinking healths to my niece: I'll drink to
36   her as long as there is a passage in my throat and
37   drink in Illyria: he's a coward and a coystrill
38   that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn
39   o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench!
40   Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

41   Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch!

42   Sweet Sir Andrew!

43   Bless you, fair shrew.

44   And you too, sir.

45   Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.

46   What's that?

47   My niece's chambermaid.

48   Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.

49   My name is Mary, sir.

50   Good Mistress Mary Accost,--

51   You mistake, knight; 'accost' is front her, board
52   her, woo her, assail her.

53   By my troth, I would not undertake her in this
54   company. Is that the meaning of 'accost'?

55   Fare you well, gentlemen.

56   An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst
57   never draw sword again.

58   An you part so, mistress, I would I might never
59   draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have
60   fools in hand?

61   Sir, I have not you by the hand.

62   Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.

63   Now, sir, 'thought is free:' I pray you, bring
64   your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.

65   Wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor?

66   It's dry, sir.

67   Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can
68   keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?

69   A dry jest, sir.

70   Are you full of them?

71   Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry,
72   now I let go your hand, I am barren.

73   O knight thou lackest a cup of canary: when did I
74   see thee so put down?

75   Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary
76   put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit
77   than a Christian or an ordinary man has: but I am a
78   great eater of beef and I believe that does harm to my wit.

79   No question.

80   An I thought that, I'ld forswear it. I'll ride home
81   to-morrow, Sir Toby.

82   Pourquoi, my dear knight?

83   What is 'Pourquoi'? do or not do? I would I had
84   bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in
85   fencing, dancing and bear-baiting: O, had I but
86   followed the arts!

87   Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.

88   Why, would that have mended my hair?

89   Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.

90   But it becomes me well enough, does't not?

91   Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I
92   hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs
93   and spin it off.

94   Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece
95   will not be seen; or if she be, it's four to one
96   she'll none of me: the count himself here hard by woos her.

97   She'll none o' the count: she'll not match above
98   her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I
99   have heard her swear't. Tut, there's life in't,
100  man.

101  I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
102  strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques
103  and revels sometimes altogether.

104  Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?

105  As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the
106  degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare
107  with an old man.

108  What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

109  Faith, I can cut a caper.

110  And I can cut the mutton to't.

111  And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong
112  as any man in Illyria.

113  Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have
114  these gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to
115  take dust, like Mistress Mall's picture? why dost
116  thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in
117  a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not
118  so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What
119  dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in?
120  I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
121  leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.

122  Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
123  flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some revels?

124  What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?

125  Taurus! That's sides and heart.

126  No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see the
127  caper; ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!