1    Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.

2    Nay, I'll come: if I lose a scruple of this sport,
3    let me be boiled to death with melancholy.

4    Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly
5    rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?

6    I would exult, man: you know, he brought me out o'
7    favour with my lady about a bear-baiting here.

8    To anger him we'll have the bear again; and we will
9    fool him black and blue: shall we not, Sir Andrew?

10   An we do not, it is pity of our lives.

11   Here comes the little villain.
Enter MARIA
12   How now, my metal of India!

13   Get ye all three into the box-tree: Malvolio's
14   coming down this walk: he has been yonder i' the
15   sun practising behavior to his own shadow this half
16   hour: observe him, for the love of mockery; for I
17   know this letter will make a contemplative idiot of
18   him. Close, in the name of jesting! Lie thou there,
Throws down a letter
19   for here comes the trout that must be caught with tickling.

20   'Tis but fortune; all is fortune. Maria once told
21   me she did affect me: and I have heard herself come
22   thus near, that, should she fancy, it should be one
23   of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a more
24   exalted respect than any one else that follows her.
25   What should I think on't?

26   Here's an overweening rogue!

27   O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare turkey-cock
28   of him: how he jets under his advanced plumes!

29   'Slight, I could so beat the rogue!

30   Peace, I say.

31   To be Count Malvolio!

32   Ah, rogue!

33   Pistol him, pistol him.

34   Peace, peace!

35   There is example for't; the lady of the Strachy
36   married the yeoman of the wardrobe.

37   Fie on him, Jezebel!

38   O, peace! now he's deeply in: look how
39   imagination blows him.

40   Having been three months married to her, sitting in
41   my state,--

42   O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!

43   Calling my officers about me, in my branched velvet
44   gown; having come from a day-bed, where I have left
45   Olivia sleeping,--

46   Fire and brimstone!

47   O, peace, peace!

48   And then to have the humour of state; and after a
49   demure travel of regard, telling them I know my
50   place as I would they should do theirs, to for my
51   kinsman Toby,--

52   Bolts and shackles!

53   O peace, peace, peace! now, now.

54   Seven of my people, with an obedient start, make
55   out for him: I frown the while; and perchance wind
56   up watch, or play with my--some rich jewel. Toby
57   approaches; courtesies there to me,--

58   Shall this fellow live?

59   Though our silence be drawn from us with cars, yet peace.

60   I extend my hand to him thus, quenching my familiar
61   smile with an austere regard of control,--

62   And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips then?

63   Saying, 'Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me on
64   your niece give me this prerogative of speech,'--

65   What, what?

66   'You must amend your drunkenness.'

67   Out, scab!

68   Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our plot.

69   'Besides, you waste the treasure of your time with
70   a foolish knight,'--

71   That's me, I warrant you.

72   'One Sir Andrew,'--

73   I knew 'twas I; for many do call me fool.

74   What employment have we here?

75   Now is the woodcock near the gin.

76   O, peace! and the spirit of humour intimate reading
77   aloud to him!

78   By my life, this is my lady's hand these be her
79   very C's, her U's and her T's and thus makes she her
80   great P's. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.

81   Her C's, her U's and her T's: why that?

Reads
82    'To the unknown beloved, this, and my good
83   wishes:'--her very phrases! By your leave, wax.
84   Soft! and the impressure her Lucrece, with which she
85   uses to seal: 'tis my lady. To whom should this be?

86   This wins him, liver and all.

Reads
87   Jove knows I love: But who?
88   Lips, do not move;
89   No man must know.
90   'No man must know.' What follows? the numbers
91   altered! 'No man must know:' if this should be
92   thee, Malvolio?

93   Marry, hang thee, brock!

Reads
94   I may command where I adore;
95   But silence, like a Lucrece knife,
96   With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore:
97   M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.

98   A fustian riddle!

99   Excellent wench, say I.

100  'M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.' Nay, but first, let
101  me see, let me see, let me see.

102  What dish o' poison has she dressed him!

103  And with what wing the staniel cheques at it!

104  'I may command where I adore.' Why, she may command
105  me: I serve her; she is my lady. Why, this is
106  evident to any formal capacity; there is no
107  obstruction in this: and the end,--what should
108  that alphabetical position portend? If I could make
109  that resemble something in me,--Softly! M, O, A,
110  I,--

111  O, ay, make up that: he is now at a cold scent.

112  Sowter will cry upon't for all this, though it be as
113  rank as a fox.

114  M,--Malvolio; M,--why, that begins my name.

115  Did not I say he would work it out? the cur is
116  excellent at faults.

117  M,--but then there is no consonancy in the sequel;
118  that suffers under probation A should follow but O does.

119  And O shall end, I hope.

120  Ay, or I'll cudgel him, and make him cry O!

121  And then I comes behind.

122  Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might see
123  more detraction at your heels than fortunes before
124  you.

125  M, O, A, I; this simulation is not as the former: and
126  yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for
127  every one of these letters are in my name. Soft!
128  here follows prose.
Reads
129  'If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I
130  am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some
131  are born great, some achieve greatness, and some
132  have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy Fates open
133  their hands; let thy blood and spirit embrace them;
134  and, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be,
135  cast thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be
136  opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let
137  thy tongue tang arguments of state; put thyself into
138  the trick of singularity: she thus advises thee
139  that sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy
140  yellow stockings, and wished to see thee ever
141  cross-gartered: I say, remember. Go to, thou art
142  made, if thou desirest to be so; if not, let me see
143  thee a steward still, the fellow of servants, and
144  not worthy to touch Fortune's fingers. Farewell.
145  She that would alter services with thee,
146  THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.'
147  Daylight and champaign discovers not more: this is
148  open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors,
149  I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross
150  acquaintance, I will be point-devise the very man.
151  I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade
152  me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady
153  loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of
154  late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered;
155  and in this she manifests herself to my love, and
156  with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits
157  of her liking. I thank my stars I am happy. I will
158  be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and
159  cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of putting
160  on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a
161  postscript.
Reads
162  'Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou
163  entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling;
164  thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my
165  presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.'
166  Jove, I thank thee: I will smile; I will do
167  everything that thou wilt have me.

168  I will not give my part of this sport for a pension
169  of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.

170  I could marry this wench for this device.

171  So could I too.

172  And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.

173  Nor I neither.

174  Here comes my noble gull-catcher.

175  Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?

176  Or o' mine either?

177  Shall I play my freedom at traytrip, and become thy
178  bond-slave?

179  I' faith, or I either?

180  Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when
181  the image of it leaves him he must run mad.

182  Nay, but say true; does it work upon him?

183  Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.

184  If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark
185  his first approach before my lady: he will come to
186  her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she
187  abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests;
188  and he will smile upon her, which will now be so
189  unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a
190  melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him
191  into a notable contempt. If you will see it, follow
192  me.

193  To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!

194  I'll make one too.