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Home > Twelfth Night > ACT III - SCENE II. OLIVIA's house.

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ACT III - SCENE II. OLIVIA's house.
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

SIR ANDREW
1    No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.
SIR TOBY BELCH
2    Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.
FABIAN
3    You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
SIR ANDREW
4    Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the
5    count's serving-man than ever she bestowed upon me;
6    I saw't i' the orchard.
SIR TOBY BELCH
7    Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that.
SIR ANDREW
8    As plain as I see you now.
FABIAN
9    This was a great argument of love in her toward you.
SIR ANDREW
10   'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?
FABIAN
11   I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of
12   judgment and reason.
SIR TOBY BELCH
13   And they have been grand-jury-men since before Noah
14   was a sailor.
FABIAN
15   She did show favour to the youth in your sight only
16   to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to
17   put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver.
18   You should then have accosted her; and with some
19   excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should
20   have banged the youth into dumbness. This was
21   looked for at your hand, and this was balked: the
22   double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash
23   off, and you are now sailed into the north of my
24   lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle
25   on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem it by
26   some laudable attempt either of valour or policy.
SIR ANDREW
27   An't be any way, it must be with valour; for policy
28   I hate: I had as lief be a Brownist as a
29   politician.
SIR TOBY BELCH
30   Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of
31   valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight
32   with him; hurt him in eleven places: my niece shall
33   take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no
34   love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's
35   commendation with woman than report of valour.
FABIAN
36   There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
SIR ANDREW
37   Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?
SIR TOBY BELCH
38   Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief;
39   it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun
40   of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink:
41   if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be
42   amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of
43   paper, although the sheet were big enough for the
44   bed of Ware in England, set 'em down: go, about it.
45   Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou
46   write with a goose-pen, no matter: about it.
SIR ANDREW
47   Where shall I find you?
SIR TOBY BELCH
48   We'll call thee at the cubiculo: go.
Exit SIR ANDREW

FABIAN
49   This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.
SIR TOBY BELCH
50   I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand
51   strong, or so.
FABIAN
52   We shall have a rare letter from him: but you'll
53   not deliver't?
SIR TOBY BELCH
54   Never trust me, then; and by all means stir on the
55   youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes
56   cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
57   opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as
58   will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of
59   the anatomy.
FABIAN
60   And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no
61   great presage of cruelty.
Enter MARIA

SIR TOBY BELCH
62   Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes.
MARIA
63   If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourself
64   into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is
65   turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no
66   Christian, that means to be saved by believing
67   rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages
68   of grossness. He's in yellow stockings.
SIR TOBY BELCH
69   And cross-gartered?
MARIA
70   Most villanously; like a pedant that keeps a school
71   i' the church. I have dogged him, like his
72   murderer. He does obey every point of the letter
73   that I dropped to betray him: he does smile his
74   face into more lines than is in the new map with the
75   augmentation of the Indies: you have not seen such
76   a thing as 'tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things
77   at him. I know my lady will strike him: if she do,
78   he'll smile and take't for a great favour.
SIR TOBY BELCH
79   Come, bring us, bring us where he is.
Exeunt

< (Previous) ACT III, SCENE IACT III, SCENE III (Next) >
Scene Index
ACT I
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III
  • SCENE IV
  • SCENE V


  • ACT II
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III
  • SCENE IV
  • SCENE V


  • ACT III
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III
  • SCENE IV


  • ACT IV
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III


  • ACT V
  • SCENE I

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