To TRANIO
1     Signior Lucentio, this is the
2    'pointed day.
3    That Katharina and Petruchio should be married,
4    And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
5    What will be said? what mockery will it be,
6    To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
7    To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!
8    What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?

9    No shame but mine: I must, forsooth, be forced
10   To give my hand opposed against my heart
11   Unto a mad-brain rudesby full of spleen;
12   Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure.
13   I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
14   Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behavior:
15   And, to be noted for a merry man,
16   He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage,
17   Make feasts, invite friends, and proclaim the banns;
18   Yet never means to wed where he hath woo'd.
19   Now must the world point at poor Katharina,
20   And say, 'Lo, there is mad Petruchio's wife,
21   If it would please him come and marry her!'

22   Patience, good Katharina, and Baptista too.
23   Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
24   Whatever fortune stays him from his word:
25   Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;
26   Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.

27   Would Katharina had never seen him though!

28   Go, girl; I cannot blame thee now to weep;
29   For such an injury would vex a very saint,
30   Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.

31   Master, master! news, old news, and such news as
32   you never heard of!

33   Is it new and old too? how may that be?

34   Why, is it not news, to hear of Petruchio's coming?

35   Is he come?

36   Why, no, sir.

37   What then?

38   He is coming.

39   When will he be here?

40   When he stands where I am and sees you there.

41   But say, what to thine old news?

42   Why, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and an old
43   jerkin, a pair of old breeches thrice turned, a pair
44   of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled,
45   another laced, an old rusty sword ta'en out of the
46   town-armory, with a broken hilt, and chapeless;
47   with two broken points: his horse hipped with an
48   old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred;
49   besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose
50   in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected
51   with the fashions, full of wingdalls, sped with
52   spavins, rayed with yellows, past cure of the fives,
53   stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the
54   bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten;
55   near-legged before and with, a half-chequed bit
56   and a head-stall of sheeps leather which, being
57   restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been
58   often burst and now repaired with knots; one girth
59   six time pieced and a woman's crupper of velure,
60   which hath two letters for her name fairly set down
61   in studs, and here and there pieced with packthread.

62   Who comes with him?

63   O, sir, his lackey, for all the world caparisoned
64   like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a
65   kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red
66   and blue list; an old hat and 'the humour of forty
67   fancies' pricked in't for a feather: a monster, a
68   very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian
69   footboy or a gentleman's lackey.

70   'Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion;
71   Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell'd.

72   I am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes.

73   Why, sir, he comes not.

74   Didst thou not say he comes?

75   Who? that Petruchio came?

76   Ay, that Petruchio came.

77   No, sir, I say his horse comes, with him on his back.

78   Why, that's all one.

79   Nay, by Saint Jamy,
80   I hold you a penny,
81   A horse and a man
82   Is more than one,
83   And yet not many.

84   Come, where be these gallants? who's at home?

85   You are welcome, sir.

86   And yet I come not well.

87   And yet you halt not.

88   Not so well apparell'd
89   As I wish you were.

90   Were it better, I should rush in thus.
91   But where is Kate? where is my lovely bride?
92   How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown:
93   And wherefore gaze this goodly company,
94   As if they saw some wondrous monument,
95   Some comet or unusual prodigy?

96   Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day:
97   First were we sad, fearing you would not come;
98   Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.
99   Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
100  An eye-sore to our solemn festival!

101  And tells us, what occasion of import
102  Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife,
103  And sent you hither so unlike yourself?

104  Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear:
105  Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,
106  Though in some part enforced to digress;
107  Which, at more leisure, I will so excuse
108  As you shall well be satisfied withal.
109  But where is Kate? I stay too long from her:
110  The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church.

111  See not your bride in these unreverent robes:
112  Go to my chamber; Put on clothes of mine.

113  Not I, believe me: thus I'll visit her.

114  But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.

115  Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha' done with words:
116  To me she's married, not unto my clothes:
117  Could I repair what she will wear in me,
118  As I can change these poor accoutrements,
119  'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
120  But what a fool am I to chat with you,
121  When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
122  And seal the title with a lovely kiss!

123  He hath some meaning in his mad attire:
124  We will persuade him, be it possible,
125  To put on better ere he go to church.

126  I'll after him, and see the event of this.

127  But to her love concerneth us to add
128  Her father's liking: which to bring to pass,
129  As I before unparted to your worship,
130  I am to get a man,--whate'er he be,
131  It skills not much. we'll fit him to our turn,--
132  And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa;
133  And make assurance here in Padua
134  Of greater sums than I have promised.
135  So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,
136  And marry sweet Bianca with consent.

137  Were it not that my fellow-school-master
138  Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly,
139  'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage;
140  Which once perform'd, let all the world say no,
141  I'll keep mine own, despite of all the world.

142  That by degrees we mean to look into,
143  And watch our vantage in this business:
144  We'll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio,
145  The narrow-prying father, Minola,
146  The quaint musician, amorous Licio;
147  All for my master's sake, Lucentio.
Re-enter GREMIO
148  Signior Gremio, came you from the church?

149  As willingly as e'er I came from school.

150  And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?

151  A bridegroom say you? 'tis a groom indeed,
152  A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.

153  Curster than she? why, 'tis impossible.

154  Why he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.

155  Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam.

156  Tut, she's a lamb, a dove, a fool to him!
157  I'll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
158  Should ask, if Katharina should be his wife,
159  'Ay, by gogs-wouns,' quoth he; and swore so loud,
160  That, all-amazed, the priest let fall the book;
161  And, as he stoop'd again to take it up,
162  The mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a cuff
163  That down fell priest and book and book and priest:
164  'Now take them up,' quoth he, 'if any list.'

165  What said the wench when he rose again?

166  Trembled and shook; for why, he stamp'd and swore,
167  As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
168  But after many ceremonies done,
169  He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if
170  He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
171  After a storm; quaff'd off the muscadel
172  And threw the sops all in the sexton's face;
173  Having no other reason
174  But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
175  And seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking.
176  This done, he took the bride about the neck
177  And kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack
178  That at the parting all the church did echo:
179  And I seeing this came thence for very shame;
180  And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
181  Such a mad marriage never was before:
182  Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.

183  Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains:
184  I know you think to dine with me to-day,
185  And have prepared great store of wedding cheer;
186  But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
187  And therefore here I mean to take my leave.

188  Is't possible you will away to-night?

189  I must away to-day, before night come:
190  Make it no wonder; if you knew my business,
191  You would entreat me rather go than stay.
192  And, honest company, I thank you all,
193  That have beheld me give away myself
194  To this most patient, sweet and virtuous wife:
195  Dine with my father, drink a health to me;
196  For I must hence; and farewell to you all.

197  Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.

198  It may not be.

199  Let me entreat you.

200  It cannot be.

201  Let me entreat you.

202  I am content.

203  Are you content to stay?

204  I am content you shall entreat me stay;
205  But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.

206  Now, if you love me, stay.

207  Grumio, my horse.

208  Ay, sir, they be ready: the oats have eaten the horses.

209  Nay, then,
210  Do what thou canst, I will not go to-day;
211  No, nor to-morrow, not till I please myself.
212  The door is open, sir; there lies your way;
213  You may be jogging whiles your boots are green;
214  For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself:
215  'Tis like you'll prove a jolly surly groom,
216  That take it on you at the first so roundly.

217  O Kate, content thee; prithee, be not angry.

218  I will be angry: what hast thou to do?
219  Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.

220  Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.

221  Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner:
222  I see a woman may be made a fool,
223  If she had not a spirit to resist.

224  They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
225  Obey the bride, you that attend on her;
226  Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
227  Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
228  Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves:
229  But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
230  Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;
231  I will be master of what is mine own:
232  She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
233  My household stuff, my field, my barn,
234  My horse, my ox, my ass, my any thing;
235  And here she stands, touch her whoever dare;
236  I'll bring mine action on the proudest he
237  That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
238  Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with thieves;
239  Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
240  Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch
241  thee, Kate:
242  I'll buckler thee against a million.

243  Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.

244  Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.

245  Of all mad matches never was the like.

246  Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister?

247  That, being mad herself, she's madly mated.

248  I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.

249  Neighbours and friends, though bride and
250  bridegroom wants
251  For to supply the places at the table,
252  You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
253  Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's place:
254  And let Bianca take her sister's room.

255  Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?

256  She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let's go.