1    Very reverend sport, truly; and done in the testimony
2    of a good conscience.

3    The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe
4    as the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in
5    the ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven;
6    and anon falleth like a crab on the face of terra,
7    the soil, the land, the earth.

8    Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetly
9    varied, like a scholar at the least: but, sir, I
10   assure ye, it was a buck of the first head.

11   Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.

12   'Twas not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.

13   Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind of
14   insinuation, as it were, in via, in way, of
15   explication; facere, as it were, replication, or
16   rather, ostentare, to show, as it were, his
17   inclination, after his undressed, unpolished,
18   uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or rather,
19   unlettered, or ratherest, unconfirmed fashion, to
20   insert again my haud credo for a deer.

21   I said the deer was not a haud credo; twas a pricket.

22   Twice-sod simplicity, his coctus!
23   O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!

24   Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred
25   in a book; he hath not eat paper, as it were; he
26   hath not drunk ink: his intellect is not
27   replenished; he is only an animal, only sensible in
28   the duller parts:
29   And such barren plants are set before us, that we
30   thankful should be,
31   Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts that
32   do fructify in us more than he.
33   For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool,
34   So were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school:
35   But omne bene, say I; being of an old father's mind,
36   Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.

37   You two are book-men: can you tell me by your wit
38   What was a month old at Cain's birth, that's not five
39   weeks old as yet?

40   Dictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.

41   What is Dictynna?

42   A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.

43   The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,
44   And raught not to five weeks when he came to
45   five-score.
46   The allusion holds in the exchange.

47   'Tis true indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.

48   God comfort thy capacity! I say, the allusion holds
49   in the exchange.

50   And I say, the pollusion holds in the exchange; for
51   the moon is never but a month old: and I say beside
52   that, 'twas a pricket that the princess killed.

53   Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaph
54   on the death of the deer? And, to humour the
55   ignorant, call I the deer the princess killed a pricket.

56   Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge; so it shall
57   please you to abrogate scurrility.

58   I will something affect the letter, for it argues facility.
59   The preyful princess pierced and prick'd a pretty
60   pleasing pricket;
61   Some say a sore; but not a sore, till now made
62   sore with shooting.
63   The dogs did yell: put L to sore, then sorel jumps
64   from thicket;
65   Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting.
66   If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty sores
67   one sorel.
68   Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one more L.

69   A rare talent!

Aside
70    If a talent be a claw, look how he claws
71   him with a talent.

72   This is a gift that I have, simple, simple; a
73   foolish extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures,
74   shapes, objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions,
75   revolutions: these are begot in the ventricle of
76   memory, nourished in the womb of pia mater, and
77   delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But the
78   gift is good in those in whom it is acute, and I am
79   thankful for it.

80   Sir, I praise the Lord for you; and so may my
81   parishioners; for their sons are well tutored by
82   you, and their daughters profit very greatly under
83   you: you are a good member of the commonwealth.

84   Mehercle, if their sons be ingenuous, they shall
85   want no instruction; if their daughters be capable,
86   I will put it to them: but vir sapit qui pauca
87   loquitur; a soul feminine saluteth us.

88   God give you good morrow, master Parson.

89   Master Parson, quasi pers-on. An if one should be
90   pierced, which is the one?

91   Marry, master schoolmaster, he that is likest to a hogshead.

92   Piercing a hogshead! a good lustre of conceit in a
93   tuft of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enough
94   for a swine: 'tis pretty; it is well.

95   Good master Parson, be so good as read me this
96   letter: it was given me by Costard, and sent me
97   from Don Armado: I beseech you, read it.

98   Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbra
99   Ruminat,--and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! I
100  may speak of thee as the traveller doth of Venice;
101  Venetia, Venetia,
102  Chi non ti vede non ti pretia.
103  Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! who understandeth thee
104  not, loves thee not. Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa.
105  Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? or rather,
106  as Horace says in his--What, my soul, verses?

107  Ay, sir, and very learned.

108  Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege, domine.

Reads
109  If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?
110  Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vow'd!
111  Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove:
112  Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like
113  osiers bow'd.
114  Study his bias leaves and makes his book thine eyes,
115  Where all those pleasures live that art would
116  comprehend:
117  If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice;
118  Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend,
119  All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder;
120  Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire:
121  Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder,
122  Which not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire.
123  Celestial as thou art, O, pardon, love, this wrong,
124  That sings heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.

125  You find not the apostraphas, and so miss the
126  accent: let me supervise the canzonet. Here are
127  only numbers ratified; but, for the elegancy,
128  facility, and golden cadence of poesy, caret.
129  Ovidius Naso was the man: and why, indeed, Naso,
130  but for smelling out the odouriferous flowers of
131  fancy, the jerks of invention? Imitari is nothing:
132  so doth the hound his master, the ape his keeper,
133  the tired horse his rider. But, damosella virgin,
134  was this directed to you?

135  Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Biron, one of the strange
136  queen's lords.

137  I will overglance the superscript: 'To the
138  snow-white hand of the most beauteous Lady
139  Rosaline.' I will look again on the intellect of
140  the letter, for the nomination of the party writing
141  to the person written unto: 'Your ladyship's in all
142  desired employment, BIRON.' Sir Nathaniel, this
143  Biron is one of the votaries with the king; and here
144  he hath framed a letter to a sequent of the stranger
145  queen's, which accidentally, or by the way of
146  progression, hath miscarried. Trip and go, my
147  sweet; deliver this paper into the royal hand of the
148  king: it may concern much. Stay not thy
149  compliment; I forgive thy duty; adieu.

150  Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!

151  Have with thee, my girl.

152  Sir, you have done this in the fear of God, very
153  religiously; and, as a certain father saith,--

154  Sir tell me not of the father; I do fear colourable
155  colours. But to return to the verses: did they
156  please you, Sir Nathaniel?

157  Marvellous well for the pen.

158  I do dine to-day at the father's of a certain pupil
159  of mine; where, if, before repast, it shall please
160  you to gratify the table with a grace, I will, on my
161  privilege I have with the parents of the foresaid
162  child or pupil, undertake your ben venuto; where I
163  will prove those verses to be very unlearned,
164  neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor invention: I
165  beseech your society.

166  And thank you too; for society, saith the text, is
167  the happiness of life.

168  And, certes, the text most infallibly concludes it.
To DULL
169  Sir, I do invite you too; you shall not
170  say me nay: pauca verba. Away! the gentles are at
171  their game, and we will to our recreation.