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Home > Troilus and Cressida > ACT V - SCENE I. The Grecian camp. Before Achilles' tent.

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ACT V - SCENE I. The Grecian camp. Before Achilles' tent.
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS

ACHILLES
1    I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night,
2    Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.
3    Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
PATROCLUS
4    Here comes Thersites.
Enter THERSITES

ACHILLES
5    How now, thou core of envy!
6    Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?
THERSITES
7    Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol
8    of idiot worshippers, here's a letter for thee.
ACHILLES
9    From whence, fragment?
THERSITES
10   Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
PATROCLUS
11   Who keeps the tent now?
THERSITES
12   The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.
PATROCLUS
13   Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks?
THERSITES
14   Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk:
15   thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.
PATROCLUS
16   Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?
THERSITES
17   Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases
18   of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs,
19   loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold
20   palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing
21   lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas,
22   limekilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
23   rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
24   again such preposterous discoveries!
PATROCLUS
25   Why thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest
26   thou to curse thus?
THERSITES
27   Do I curse thee?
PATROCLUS
28   Why no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
29   indistinguishable cur, no.
THERSITES
30   No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
31   immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet
32   flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's
33   purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered
34   with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!
PATROCLUS
35   Out, gall!
THERSITES
36   Finch-egg!
ACHILLES
37   My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
38   From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle.
39   Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,
40   A token from her daughter, my fair love,
41   Both taxing me and gaging me to keep
42   An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it:
43   Fall Greeks; fail fame; honour or go or stay;
44   My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.
45   Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent:
46   This night in banqueting must all be spent.
47   Away, Patroclus!
Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS

THERSITES
48   With too much blood and too little brain, these two
49   may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too
50   little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen.
51   Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one
52   that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as
53   earwax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter
54   there, his brother, the bull,--the primitive statue,
55   and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty
56   shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's
57   leg,--to what form but that he is, should wit larded
58   with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to?
59   To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to
60   an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a
61   dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an
62   owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would
63   not care; but to be Menelaus, I would conspire
64   against destiny. Ask me not, what I would be, if I
65   were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse
66   of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus! Hey-day!
67   spirits and fires!
AGAMEMNON
68   We go wrong, we go wrong.
AJAX
69   No, yonder 'tis;
70   There, where we see the lights.
HECTOR
71   I trouble you.
AJAX
72   No, not a whit.
ULYSSES
73   Here comes himself to guide you.
Re-enter ACHILLES

ACHILLES
74   Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all.
AGAMEMNON
75   So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
76   Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
HECTOR
77   Thanks and good night to the Greeks' general.
MENELAUS
78   Good night, my lord.
HECTOR
79   Good night, sweet lord Menelaus.
THERSITES
80   Sweet draught: 'sweet' quoth 'a! sweet sink,
81   sweet sewer.
ACHILLES
82   Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
83   That go or tarry.
AGAMEMNON
84   Good night.
Exeunt AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS

ACHILLES
85   Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed,
86   Keep Hector company an hour or two.
DIOMEDES
87   I cannot, lord; I have important business,
88   The tide whereof is now. Good night, great Hector.
HECTOR
89   Give me your hand.
ULYSSES
Aside to TROILUS
90    Follow his torch; he goes to
91   Calchas' tent:
92   I'll keep you company.
TROILUS
93   Sweet sir, you honour me.
HECTOR
94   And so, good night.
Exit DIOMEDES; ULYSSES and TROILUS following

ACHILLES
95   Come, come, enter my tent.
Exeunt ACHILLES, HECTOR, AJAX, and NESTOR

THERSITES
96   That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most
97   unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers
98   than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend
99   his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound:
100  but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it
101  is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun
102  borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his
103  word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than
104  not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan
105  drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent: I'll
106  after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets!
Exit

< (Previous) ACT IV, SCENE VACT V, SCENE II (Next) >
Scene Index
  • PROLOGUE


  • ACT I
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III


  • ACT II
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III


  • ACT III
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III


  • ACT IV
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III
  • SCENE IV
  • SCENE V


  • ACT V
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III
  • SCENE IV
  • SCENE V
  • SCENE VI
  • SCENE VII
  • SCENE VIII
  • SCENE IX
  • SCENE X

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