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Home > Comedy of Errors > ACT III - SCENE II. The same.

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ACT III - SCENE II. The same.
Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse

LUCIANA
1    And may it be that you have quite forgot
2    A husband's office? shall, Antipholus.
3    Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
4    Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous?
5    If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
6    Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness:
7    Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth;
8    Muffle your false love with some show of blindness:
9    Let not my sister read it in your eye;
10   Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;
11   Look sweet, be fair, become disloyalty;
12   Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger;
13   Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
14   Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
15   Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
16   What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
17   'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed
18   And let her read it in thy looks at board:
19   Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
20   Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.
21   Alas, poor women! make us but believe,
22   Being compact of credit, that you love us;
23   Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
24   We in your motion turn and you may move us.
25   Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
26   Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife:
27   'Tis holy sport to be a little vain,
28   When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
29   Sweet mistress--what your name is else, I know not,
30   Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine,--
31   Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
32   Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine.
33   Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
34   Lay open to my earthy-gross conceit,
35   Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
36   The folded meaning of your words' deceit.
37   Against my soul's pure truth why labour you
38   To make it wander in an unknown field?
39   Are you a god? would you create me new?
40   Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
41   But if that I am I, then well I know
42   Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
43   Nor to her bed no homage do I owe
44   Far more, far more to you do I decline.
45   O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,
46   To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears:
47   Sing, siren, for thyself and I will dote:
48   Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
49   And as a bed I'll take them and there lie,
50   And in that glorious supposition think
51   He gains by death that hath such means to die:
52   Let Love, being light, be drowned if she sink!
LUCIANA
53   What, are you mad, that you do reason so?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
54   Not mad, but mated; how, I do not know.
LUCIANA
55   It is a fault that springeth from your eye.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
56   For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.
LUCIANA
57   Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
58   As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.
LUCIANA
59   Why call you me love? call my sister so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
60   Thy sister's sister.
LUCIANA
61   That's my sister.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
62   No;
63   It is thyself, mine own self's better part,
64   Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart,
65   My food, my fortune and my sweet hope's aim,
66   My sole earth's heaven and my heaven's claim.
LUCIANA
67   All this my sister is, or else should be.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
68   Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee.
69   Thee will I love and with thee lead my life:
70   Thou hast no husband yet nor I no wife.
71   Give me thy hand.
LUCIANA
72   O, soft, air! hold you still:
73   I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will.
Exit

Enter DROMIO of Syracuse

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
74   Why, how now, Dromio! where runn'st thou so fast?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
75   Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man?
76   am I myself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
77   Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
78   I am an ass, I am a woman's man and besides myself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
79   Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one
80   that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
81   What claim lays she to thee?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
82   Marry sir, such claim as you would lay to your
83   horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I
84   being a beast, she would have me; but that she,
85   being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
86   What is she?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
87   A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may
88   not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I have
89   but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
90   wondrous fat marriage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
91   How dost thou mean a fat marriage?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
92   Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;
93   and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
94   lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I
95   warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a
96   Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,
97   she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
98   What complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
99   Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so
100  clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over
101  shoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
102  That's a fault that water will mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
103  No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
104  What's her name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
105  Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's
106  an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from
107  hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
108  Then she bears some breadth?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
109  No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:
110  she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out
111  countries in her.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
112  In what part of her body stands Ireland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
113  Marry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
114  Where Scotland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
115  I found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
116  Where France?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
117  In her forehead; armed and reverted, making war
118  against her heir.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
119  Where England?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
120  I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no
121  whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her chin,
122  by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
123  Where Spain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
124  Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
125  Where America, the Indies?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
126  Oh, sir, upon her nose all o'er embellished with
127  rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich
128  aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole
129  armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
130  Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
131  Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this
132  drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me
133  Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what
134  privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my
135  shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my
136  left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch:
137  And, I think, if my breast had not been made of
138  faith and my heart of steel,
139  She had transform'd me to a curtal dog and made
140  me turn i' the wheel.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
141  Go hie thee presently, post to the road:
142  An if the wind blow any way from shore,
143  I will not harbour in this town to-night:
144  If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
145  Where I will walk till thou return to me.
146  If every one knows us and we know none,
147  'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
148  As from a bear a man would run for life,
149  So fly I from her that would be my wife.
Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
150  There's none but witches do inhabit here;
151  And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
152  She that doth call me husband, even my soul
153  Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
154  Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace,
155  Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
156  Hath almost made me traitor to myself:
157  But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
158  I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.
Enter ANGELO with the chain

ANGELO
159  Master Antipholus,--
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
160  Ay, that's my name.
ANGELO
161  I know it well, sir, lo, here is the chain.
162  I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine:
163  The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
164  What is your will that I shall do with this?
ANGELO
165  What please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
166  Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.
ANGELO
167  Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
168  Go home with it and please your wife withal;
169  And soon at supper-time I'll visit you
170  And then receive my money for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
171  I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
172  For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.
ANGELO
173  You are a merry man, sir: fare you well.
Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
174  What I should think of this, I cannot tell:
175  But this I think, there's no man is so vain
176  That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain.
177  I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
178  When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
179  I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay
180  If any ship put out, then straight away.
Exit

< (Previous) ACT III, SCENE IACT IV, SCENE I (Next) >
Scene Index
ACT I
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II


  • ACT II
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II


  • ACT III
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II


  • ACT IV
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III
  • SCENE IV


  • ACT V
  • SCENE I

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