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Home > As You Like It > ACT III - SCENE III. The forest.

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ACT III - SCENE III. The forest.
Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY; JAQUES behind

TOUCHSTONE
1    Come apace, good Audrey: I will fetch up your
2    goats, Audrey. And how, Audrey? am I the man yet?
3    doth my simple feature content you?
AUDREY
4    Your features! Lord warrant us! what features!
TOUCHSTONE
5    I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most
6    capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths.
JAQUES
Aside
7     O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than Jove
8    in a thatched house!
TOUCHSTONE
9    When a man's verses cannot be understood, nor a
10   man's good wit seconded with the forward child
11   Understanding, it strikes a man more dead than a
12   great reckoning in a little room. Truly, I would
13   the gods had made thee poetical.
AUDREY
14   I do not know what 'poetical' is: is it honest in
15   deed and word? is it a true thing?
TOUCHSTONE
16   No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most
17   feigning; and lovers are given to poetry, and what
18   they swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do feign.
AUDREY
19   Do you wish then that the gods had made me poetical?
TOUCHSTONE
20   I do, truly; for thou swearest to me thou art
21   honest: now, if thou wert a poet, I might have some
22   hope thou didst feign.
AUDREY
23   Would you not have me honest?
TOUCHSTONE
24   No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favoured; for
25   honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.
JAQUES
Aside
26    A material fool!
AUDREY
27   Well, I am not fair; and therefore I pray the gods
28   make me honest.
TOUCHSTONE
29   Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut
30   were to put good meat into an unclean dish.
AUDREY
31   I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul.
TOUCHSTONE
32   Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness!
33   sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may
34   be, I will marry thee, and to that end I have been
35   with Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next
36   village, who hath promised to meet me in this place
37   of the forest and to couple us.
JAQUES
Aside
38    I would fain see this meeting.
AUDREY
39   Well, the gods give us joy!
TOUCHSTONE
40   Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart,
41   stagger in this attempt; for here we have no temple
42   but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts. But what
43   though? Courage! As horns are odious, they are
44   necessary. It is said, 'many a man knows no end of
45   his goods:' right; many a man has good horns, and
46   knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of
47   his wife; 'tis none of his own getting. Horns?
48   Even so. Poor men alone? No, no; the noblest deer
49   hath them as huge as the rascal. Is the single man
50   therefore blessed? No: as a walled town is more
51   worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a
52   married man more honourable than the bare brow of a
53   bachelor; and by how much defence is better than no
54   skill, by so much is a horn more precious than to
55   want. Here comes Sir Oliver.
Enter SIR OLIVER MARTEXT
56   Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met: will you
57   dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go
58   with you to your chapel?
SIR OLIVER MARTEXT
59   Is there none here to give the woman?
TOUCHSTONE
60   I will not take her on gift of any man.
SIR OLIVER MARTEXT
61   Truly, she must be given, or the marriage is not lawful.
JAQUES
Advancing
62   Proceed, proceed I'll give her.
TOUCHSTONE
63   Good even, good Master What-ye-call't: how do you,
64   sir? You are very well met: God 'ild you for your
65   last company: I am very glad to see you: even a
66   toy in hand here, sir: nay, pray be covered.
JAQUES
67   Will you be married, motley?
TOUCHSTONE
68   As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb and
69   the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and
70   as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.
JAQUES
71   And will you, being a man of your breeding, be
72   married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to
73   church, and have a good priest that can tell you
74   what marriage is: this fellow will but join you
75   together as they join wainscot; then one of you will
76   prove a shrunk panel and, like green timber, warp, warp.
TOUCHSTONE
Aside
77    I am not in the mind but I were better to be
78   married of him than of another: for he is not like
79   to marry me well; and not being well married, it
80   will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife.
JAQUES
81   Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.
TOUCHSTONE
82   'Come, sweet Audrey:
83   We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.
84   Farewell, good Master Oliver: not,--
85   O sweet Oliver,
86   O brave Oliver,
87   Leave me not behind thee: but,--
88   Wind away,
89   Begone, I say,
90   I will not to wedding with thee.
Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

SIR OLIVER MARTEXT
91   'Tis no matter: ne'er a fantastical knave of them
92   all shall flout me out of my calling.
Exit

< (Previous) ACT III, SCENE IIACT III, IV (Next) >
Scene Index
ACT I
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III


  • ACT II
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III
  • SCENE IV
  • SCENE V
  • SCENE VI
  • SCENE VII


  • ACT III
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III
  • SCENE IV
  • SCENE V


  • ACT IV
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III


  • ACT V
  • SCENE I
  • SCENE II
  • SCENE III
  • SCENE IV
  • EPILOGUE

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